she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
