How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
