At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
