I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
