That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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