nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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