When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
