Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
