i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
