Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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