I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
im six kinds of drunk right now
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I still have a little drunk in my system
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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