out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
