this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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