I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
