you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
