That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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