I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
