I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
