kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
