So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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