I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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