maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
