Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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