what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
