Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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