I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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