Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
