You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
