Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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