Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
