mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it was like eating out sand paper
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
