Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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