just tell him i said nine months
You can't motorboat a personality
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
