she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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