great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
