Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
