i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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