Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
