I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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