I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
