You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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