i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
