A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
