I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
