i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
