you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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