i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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