Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
