he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
