I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
