my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
