whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
