Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
