you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
