If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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