life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
