Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
