Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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